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Aug. 20th, 2010

spooks - Harry/Ruth/Bench = ♥

lost_spook

The Rime on the Spray

Author: lost_spook (vvj5)
Story: The Rime on the Spray
Word count: 8169
Summary: The Doctor, Ben and Polly find themselves out on an alien moor on a wintry night with a dangerous mystery to solve.
Characters/ pairings: First Doctor, Ben Jackson, Polly
Ratings: All ages
Warnings: None.

Author's note: A fic I wrote, in which Part 1 attracted some interest and praise… and part two didn't get read by anybody. Or at least, anybody willing to comment. Which left me wondering, did it just pass everyone by, or did I do something terrible in Part 2 that made them not want to tell me so? It’s possible, because the whole point of the story might not have been what readers were expecting or explained/sold well enough. I’ve decided to post it here. I was fairly pleased by certainly the idea and the set up, so be kind to me if you have to tell me no one commented because it didn’t work, but I think it’s about time I had the nerve to actually ask someone what they thought. *bites fingernails*

May. 30th, 2010

Microwave

pitry

review: A Broken Jigsaw piece part 2 y Skeletree

Story: A Broken Jigsaw Piece (part 2)
Author: Skeletree

Review:

It’s a good story so far there are some great moments in it. Others need some work

The Author’s notes tell us it is from the Master’s pov. However the story opens up with a declarative statement and doesn’t attribute it to the person whose point of view it is, delaying the reader (who won’t have the author’s notes) from getting into that point of view.

Talking about the TARDIS’ reaction to being cannibalized as a behavior of all TARDISes makes it seem impersonal and less emotional than attributing that reaction to the TARDIS as was done later in the story.

It was confusing to have the statement that the Master’s was body burnt a long time ago? I would think for the Doctor it will have been a year and a bit between TLotTL and JE. Some explanation as to why it was long ago needs to be made to clear that up.

There were several points where I felt I had missed something. We are told that attention is being redirected but it isn’t obvious where the attention was in the first place. Another time something is better, but so much has happened between that statement and what it is better than, that I had to scroll back to piece together what it was.

Clichés such as “slowly but surely” could be expressed with different words to avoid a hackneyed tone in the fic.

It would help the story if every so often when writing they would run through the senses, sight smell touch, taste, sight and describe what the pov character was experiencing in terms of one or more of those is at that point in the story. Google can be a good aid for getting ideas on descriptions of sensations. This would help the reader feel more like they were in the story and not observing it.

Overall the writing is very promising. The descriptions are quite good at times, the descriptions of the burn and the riff on how humans are around the Doctor were very well done. But then at other times the descriptions become a bit sparse, such as mentioning the tee shirt but not even telling us the color or if it has some picture on it. A plain white t-shirt would say one thing about the other Doctor, a bright green with a kola bear would say something else. I would help add texture to the story for the reader.

It is an intriguing story and leaves the reader with enough questions to want to see more.

May. 27th, 2010

Microwave

pitry

Review: New Friends by Mickeyk

Story: New Friends
Author: mickeyk

Review: I know this has been reviewed before but I quite enjoyed it and had a few thoughts. I loved the awkwardness in the beginning - it's really interesting seeing Jack stressed over meeting someone. I really liked comments such as "he should have called but hadn't in case she'd say no" - that's a very good way of reflecting his nervousness. I liked that Sarah Jane is a bit awkward with him, but definitely seems in control - and a lot more than Jack. This is a great story to see a very different side of him. I guess my main niggle about the story was that it feels they reverse the roles at some point - it's Sarah Jane that becomes more and more awkward, and Jack falling into his stride and getting back in control of the situation. With the way the story started, it felt it would have been nicer to let Sarah Jane be in control for the whole time, especially as this was a very short story.

May. 22nd, 2010

Skeletree

skeletree

A Broken Jigsaw Piece (Chapter 2/?)

Title: A Broken Jigsaw Piece (Chapter 2/?)
Author: Skeletree
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: <1800
POV: Third
Characters/Pairings: Ten II, Doctor, Master/None for this chapter (future chapters will include Master/Ten II and Master/Doctor)
Spoilers/Warnings: None for this chapter.
Summary: The Meta-Crisis Tenth Doctor stumbles into a parallel universe where the Master joined the Doctor in the TARDIS after the Year That Wasn't.
Author's Note: Huge style change in this chapter... Pretty self-conscious about this one, actually. I'm not sure if switching to the Master's point of view was a good choice or if it was simply my adoration for writing him that demanded it. I'm also concerned about the pacing and the dialogue. I suppose, basically everything. The biggest question, though, is should I keep the style and POV consistent (fairy tale-ish, Ten II's POV) or should I switch POVs and style between chapters? Also, this one is hosted at Google Docs because I don't want to put it up on LJ quite yet. Thank you for your time and thoughts! :]

May. 14th, 2010

Microwave

pitry

review: a broken jigsaw puzzle by skeletree

Story: A Broken Jigsaw Piece (Chapter 1/?)
Author: Skeletree

Review:
The fairy tale style is interesting. I like that you separate experience from memories. You did a very good job explaining how that felt to him. Also very good on showing that he really does need to integrate everything in order to know who he is he’s not just the Doctor’s clone, able to just pick up from when he was created as if they were the same. He is his own person. . I also like that it isn’t an automatic given that human-Doctor and Rose are going to hit it off and live happily ever after.
It was easy to read and follow, though I tended to feel detached from the character because of the style. His frustration with his situation was apparent but I didn’t feel it. For example: “Sometimes he felt like he was on the verge of figuring out what it was.” could be enhanced with a phrase like “the knowledge just out of reach, as if he could brush it with his finger tips but was unable to grasp it.” Don’t just state it tell us what it feels like. Give us more points of reference, like you did when you explained how the memories from the Doctor felt to him.
It was lacking in details, I would have liked to know something about what the device he was working on looked like, size, shape color? Was he sitting at a table when he worked on it or on the floor? Did he hear Rose coming when she found him or did her arrival startle him? I suspect this lack arises from the fairy tale style where descriptions are handled by illustrations.
I also had a problem with the phrase “his first act upon this world”. He wasn’t on the world when he destroyed the Daleks; he was on the Dalek crucible. It also wasn’t the first act he did. He literally moved planets before then, staged a rescue operation and a few other things. I will admit this is nitpicky on my part but Sci Fi does attract people for whom those kinds of discrepancies are an issue, especially at the start of a story.
Overall it was a very engaging story. I like the plot and the premise. It left me wanting more. I am looking forward to the next chapter.

May. 8th, 2010

Skeletree

skeletree

A Broken Jigsaw Piece (Chapter 1/?)

Story: A Broken Jigsaw Piece (Chapter 1/?)
Author: Skeletree
Word count: <1600
Summary: The Meta-Crisis Tenth Doctor stumbles into a parallel universe where the Master joined the Doctor in the TARDIS after the Year That Wasn't.
Characters/ pairings: Ten II, Doctor, Master, Rose/ None for this chapter (future chapters will include Master/Ten II and Master/Doctor)
Ratings: PG (this chapter)
Warnings: None for this chapter.
Author's note: The style for this chapter is a bit experimental, and it should calm down a bit in future chapters, but I felt it was fitting to Ten II.

Apr. 30th, 2010

Microwave

pitry

Discussionity- discussion!

So, dear writers!

Been wondering - those of you who got comments (here or elsewhere, really) and have written since: how useful do you feel the advice you got is? Did you manage to implement it into your writing? Did you feel it helped you in any way? Did you feel it completely missed the mark?

Share your thoughts!

Apr. 24th, 2010


ladys_paladin

Opening the Watch by Paladin

Author: Paladin (aka Ladys_Paladin)
Story: Opening the Watch
Word count:992
Summary:Missing scene from Family of Blood. The thoughts of John Smith as he decides to open the watch and become the Doctor.
Characters/ pairings: The Doctor (10th), John Smith
Ratings: All Ages
Warnings: Spoilers for Family of Blood

Author's note:

Apr. 11th, 2010

Microwave

pitry

Review: Nameless by dbskyler

Story: Nameless
Author: dbskyler

Review: This is a hard one. It's very clever, but possibly to the level of being too clever: I keep on getting the feeling I'm missing the point.The first impression is that it's very aesthetic. Comparing the companions to elements is definitely interesting, the comments beneath the comparison create their own story... and yet I can't help but wonder whether my interpretation of why each companion got each element is the correct one. Also, I wish there was a clearer connection between the companion and/or the element to the part of the story following it. It does feel a bit like too concepts mashed together.

Aesthetics are important in fanfiction and a lot of stories do fine on them alone, and Nameless is no exception. But it does give a feeling or a wish for something more.

Apr. 4th, 2010

Ten looking up

dbskyler

Story: Nameless

Since we need more stories to review, here's one that I originally offered up at fic_tossed:

Story: Nameless
Author: dbskyler
Word count: 561
Characters/ pairings: First Doctor, Tenth Doctor, Susan and mentions of many other companions.
Rating: All ages.
Warnings: None.
Summary: "Even the word 'Doctor' is false. Your real name is hidden. It burns in the stars, in the Cascade of Medusa herself."
Author's note: This fic has an unconventional format and was a bit of an experiment. I know it works for some people -- but maybe it could've worked better? What was done well, and what was done not-quite-as-well? Also, are there people the fic doesn't work for? And if it doesn't work for you, was there another way to approach it that would've still accomplished what I set out to do?

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